The wind billowed around me, fluttering the ribbon adorning my hair in ghostly movements.
“How fitting,” I thought, continuing to play the haunting music that had been requested. The grey misty afternoon was perfect for my mood. Dark and foreboding. Today was going to devour me whole, leaving just a carcass of my soul behind. If I’d only known what I was signing up for when I’d replied to the ad, looking for a traditional flutist. It was supposedly easy money, but standing here beside the casket, I had to wonder if it really was.
This wasn’t any ol’ normal funeral, it was this mash-up of historical reenactment wrapped into a hipster sushi roll. The problem wasn’t so much how I felt about being apart of this oddball ceremony, rather the person they were honoring.
The man they were laying to rest was my first love. Although I hadn’t kept in touch with him over the years, his love had always stuck with me. We were only nineteen, but after a bunch of simple childhood crushes in high school, he was the one who nurtured me to become the woman I had become. He helped mold my self confidence, encouraged my interests and taught me about what it meant to physically show someone how they felt. I learned so much from him, and had always held all my subsequent boyfriends up to the high bar he’d set. Standing here now, dressed in my ceremonial robes, I couldn’t believe that fate had brought me full circle.
I felt the first tear trickle down my cheek and knew that the floodgate would smash open when the mourners started throwing handfuls of dirt onto the casket. From the tidbits of gravesite stories, I’d discovered he’d died in a motorbike accident, killed instantly. He’d never been married or had any children and that oddly made me feel better about my lack of family. All through my tears, I continued to play the mournful melody and remember the man who perhaps got a way. Only now, I’ll never have the chance to see what if, leaving the heavy weight of regret firmly tugging on my heart.
Until next time,
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